Capacity

My work involves a lot of talk about the word "capacity." Does an organization have capacity for greater utilization? Would additional funding allow the capacity of an organization to grow? Does an organization have the capacity to assist another? And on and on it goes, the talk not about the ability or desire but if all the tools are in place for success.

This talk of capacity has infiltrated my real life also. I now look at requests for our time and money in terms of our capacity: I ask, "Do we have the capacity to say yes to a birthday party?" instead of asking, "Is there anything already scheduled for that time?" It becomes less about our desire to do something and more about what we are capable of doing given our resources. It's actually been very freeing to start saying yes (and no) to requests based upon my understanding of our family's capacity.

Currently, we The Godfreys, are at capacity. We have as many routine activities as is reasonable for us to undertake. We want to be more involved in other things, but alas, we can not because we've reached capacity.

When I took my new job, I decided that one of the best ways to extend my capacity to care for our kids was to hire an afternoon nanny. We have the most wonderful girl in the world taking care of the kids most afternoons. Sarah is just lovely in spirit, she helps with the house, she cares for the kids well, she often helps with dinner, really she's just about as good as it gets. However, she often is unable to come. At least once a week, it seems, she has something come up that makes her unable to come as previously arranged. And by previously arranged, I mean the set schedule of 4 afternoons a week.

So this morning, as the Check Engine Light came on, I was talking to Sarah about her attendance. I asked her to not send me text messages calling off work. I asked her to determine if her schedule had reached capacity and if she has, ahem, the capacity to commit to caring for my kids. I tried to heap on the compliments, because truly, she's a marvel when she's at our house. However, I do not have the capacity to drum up a new sitter once or twice a week.

So I feel bad that her blind friend might miss being at her Grandma's bedside in time to say "goodbye" for lack of a ride from Sarah today, since I brow-beat her into working tonight. I feel bad that I had to say, "we LOVE having you, but if you can't commit to being here, we'll find someone who can."

I'm putting into action the things that I've learned in counseling, to take people at their word and to mean what I say. It is my responsibility to ask for what I want directly and to allow the other person to respond according to their needs and capacity. I just need to reply to the words. And that truly is all I have the capacity for anymore.

Working

I have a new job. It is largely undefined and amorphic as yet. So up until now, I've been reading and gathering information. I am about to explode with all of this new information. And so much of it is really interesting, so I thought I would share it with you. All four of you who follow me. Smile.

I am working via a grant from the Indiana Associations of United Ways called 4Community2. 4 Community [1, implied] served our county with a clunky nary-used online database for social service agencies to share information. I was a lot of work for an unwieldly project & I see sweat creep across my dear boss' brow when she speaks about it for long.

4 Community2's goals are to provide a neighborhood-based Single Point of Access for services. "What exactly does that mean, Sue?" you ask. Well, I'm so glad you asked. I've learned over the past few weeks that I am merely a channel for bringing about change. Initially, the plan is to work in schools to bring local services and agencies who already provide services out to the county schools and/or into under-served schools and/or neighborhoods in the city of Muncie as well. The grant is funding, among other things, my position as a Community Organizer of Sorts and a new position at Open Door Health Services for an Enrollment Specialist. What I'm finding as I study and research for my job is that there are lots of people interested in this idea, and each person I speak with wants to move the process forward faster than the last. It makes the amorphic and undefined nature of my position infuriating to both myself and the people with whom I speak.

I am reading and gathering information and thinking a lot, but I haven't found an appropriate outlet for what I'm reading. I'm not sure if blogging about it is the best way to process it? But I'm thinking it might be. As of right now I have 4 blog posts in some level of undress/ unpreparedness where I'm trying to work out what I think.

So I guess it begs the question, do you want to join me in working out what I'm thinking or should I just keep it to myself?