Otherness

When I was in Middle School, my bus took the high school wrestlers to the Elementary school for practice. One guy always came on with a bag the size of a small pony. Because of the size of the bag, he ended up sitting up front instead of in the back with the other wrestlers. One day, I mustered up the courage to ask him what was in the bag. He deadpanned, "A dead body." My 6th grade self responded with all the shock and confusion that I'm sure he hoped to get. Recently that image has been brought to mind & I can't shrug off how I still am that person asking straightforward questions that seem to get me answers that are much more than I bargained for.

Yesterday Ray Renner gave the messasge at church. He's my favorite of "the retired pastors" who have been preaching in our pastor-less time. He said something that jarred me out of my seat. Ray was discussing the way world religions attempt to honor Jesus but deny the resurrection. Ray said, "You can not take part of Jesus' teaching and throw out the resurrection". "Right, right, I've heard that before", I thought and rummaged in my purse. And then he said something that really caught my breath in my chest: He said that those who don't believe in the resurrection of Jesus still have the guilt of all their sin.

At each Easter and communion service in my 30+ years of being a believe, I think about Jesus bearing my sin. But I have never thought about trying to bear my own sin. It just never really came to mind before. And Ray shocked my out of looking for my lipgloss when he said this. It was so difficult to think about that I just ignored it yesterday. But today in avoiding my true responsibilities, I cleaned out my Inbox during lunch. I've been getting newsletters from Mary DeMuth for a few weeks. Somehow I stumbled upon Mary DeMuth's blog recently. She sent out a chapter of her new book "Everything," which somehow Google thought should go in my "Important Messages" instead of junk mail. In the first chapter she discusses how God is "Other" than us. She talks about how Jesus' disciples were always baffled by Jesus, that he never did the thing that they expected him to do.

I think I strive to be other-like. I strive to not do the supposed "Christian" thing. I would say that I don't want to "fit a mold." Or be "judgmental." Lately I've taken to describing it as being "Gen X" of me. The result - non-condemning conversations with my post-christian friend over her love life. Supporting same-sex marriage. Voting Democrat. I identify myself as a christian, but I do not subscribe to modern christian social dogma. My friends are no longer "church friends" for the first time in my life. All this to say, DeMuth's discussion of  God's "otherness" really resonated with me. Jesus' disciples were surprised by his resurrection. Even that was "other" of him, unexpected, and really unwelcome. They wanted a political king, not a spiritual one.

Jesus' Otherness was not to attention seeking or ironic. He was both God and Man. He is the Word and is God. I do not have to ascribe to the Christian culture answers to questions in order to be honoring God. But if I am just trying to be cool and obtuse, then I miss out on the freedom with which I am allowed to live in. My other-ness needs to be rooted in a knowledge that I am free to think and believe as the Spirit leads. And in doing so, I leave the weight of my sin at the feet of Jesus. If my Otherness is to gain cool points or to wrestle against my calling, well then, I have just picked up a sack heavier than I can carry.

Which brings me the wrestling bag on the bus in 6th grade. Sin is heavier than that body bag.  Jesus will take it away. I think the only wrestling I do is to attempt to grab that bag back, not wanting to be a burden. But Jesus took the weight of my sin because he has the ability to bear it. While I can't even lift the bag, he not only can but WANTS to take my bag. It's a burden that he can bear easily. If only I will let him.