A really boring rambly post about child care

I have spent the better part of the past three weeks researching child care options for my kids. An after school option for the older two and an all day option for Hank. What I'm finding in the process is that we really want a tailor-made child care provider and would be best served if we could find a full time nanny. I think. I have such a hard time deciding. And I feel inappropriately responsible for other people's well-being and livelihood, so it makes deciding all the more difficult as I enter all those factors in. Ugh.

The older two have the school sponsored "Latch Key" program offered after school until 5:30 that is a viable, albeit not preferred option. (E learned a lot of things that as a Kindergartner he should not have been exposed to during his tenure there last year. I do not relish the same happening for Mags.) So while I'd prefer them to have a different option than Latch Key, it is sufficient. Therefore, for the time being this will be our solution. Not my favorite & I hope not long term, but doesn't require much else because there just really are not many other options.

Hank has options - lots and lots of options. (To the point I'm overwhelmed and going to write a ridiculously long blog post about it.)  There's the "Church Sponsored Day Care Center" option, high on Herd O' Cattle tendencies. Then there's the "In Home Day Care" options that are high on personal idiosyncrasies of the provider. There are a lot of "PreSchool/ Day Care" (PSDC for short. giggle.) combo options also, but most of those have special requirements for being potty-trained and/or 3 years old. Henry is not either. Which should rule all those out.

However, we keep returning to the PSCD because one of my illustrious neighbor has an in-home PreSchool/Day Care that Henry was enrolled in for the fall. It's just that he never actually went there due to my quick exit from my former job. This PSCD has both requirements, but also a loophole, which calls for accepting a child who is potty-trained when school starts and will be 3 by Thanksgiving (Hank fulfills the latter, but fails miserably at the former). In August the PSCD neighbor called for my final decision on Hank's attendance & I was not prepared. I said yes out of fear of rudeness, lack of planning and wishful thinking (my mother-in-law had promised to take him for a week and return him potty trained), but didn't feel sure of my answer. I went to the "Parent Night" and was flakey. We left early. We failed to show on the First Day of School.  All of those reasons enough to make me want to move out of the neighborhood and never see them again.

However, tonight I called the PSCD neighbor (mostly because I was told by another neighbor that it would be rude not to call. "They'll see your car is gone" being implied). I had a long discussion on potty-training methods with PSCD teacher. I ended the conversation saying I wasn't sure it was a good fit & I'd talk with my husband about it and let her know. I must admit, I don't want Hank to go there not because it's not a great day care, but because I pften leave conversations with said neighbor feeling condescended to, the recipient of advice in areas that I don't desire assistance. It's not her fault, I realize, it's mine: Obviously I haven't potty-trained Hank because I'm lazy and undisciplined. If I would only apply myself to this task, it would work itself out. So now I sit, yet again at the crossroads of diapers-forever & potty training & I do not want to take the road to potty training.  I do believe that I could assert myself to the task of potty training this week and spend the entire of my waking energy focused on that OR I can enjoy my last week before returning to work and continue to buy diapers, even though I know my son is developmentally able to control his bladder and sphincter enough to choose when to use the toilet. Why must I not potty train him and continue in my selfish use of time this week? What is wrong with me?

I keep thinking about what a nice place it would be for Henry to be. It's orderly, organized and run by someone who loves Jesus. There are only 4 kids there. It's really fabulous. I want to send him there. I want to put the big kids on the bus then walk Hank to the neighbor's house and be done with my childcare responsibilities every day at 7:45am. Bada boom, bada bing! It's the cheapest place I've looked at, as well! I can't figure out if I'm uncomfortable with Henry going there, uncomfortable with feeling talked down-to by the sitter or if I just plain don't want to be that enmeshed with the neighbors. I want to want him to go there. But I don't.

I have also found a nice place for Hank about 10 minutes north of here. It's a friend of a friend, a really trustworthy lady who by herself manages 10 kids. Well, my son would be the 10th. We went for a while today & it was quite amazing. She somehow managed really well, making 10 kids not seem like 10 kids. It truly was remarkable to watch & I think it would be a great place for Hank. I'm not without reservations about the "census" there (day care speak for number of kids), but somehow I just feel good about it. It has my favorite things in a day care: lunch provided, no potty-training requirement and a non-judgemental caregiver. That just feels so shallow of me to articulate, and yet I do feel that way.

Another piece of this puzzle is that we really would like to find a nanny. We haven't advertised our desire that way, yet, but it is becoming our preference. The No Potty place would not mind us coming for a while and then changing our mind. Her financial future does not hang in the balance whether or not we come. I like that. And the PSDC place closes at 5pm each day, when I finish work - no buffer time. I just don't like not having a buffer.

So I'm going with my gut. I'm going with "Latchama Key" as Mags calls it & the No Potty Place. I'm ok with that for now. And I don't have sick days or Fall Break or Spring Break worked out yet. But that will come as it comes, I think.  And that's that.